By Moribego ‘Ribi’ Madubanya
Women’s month has arrived and no doubt the will be thousands of campaigns opposing women and children abuse.Mostly focusing on the physical abuse women endure from their partners,people who are supposed to love and protect them.
But no one ever talks about emotional abuse.Atleast with physical abuse you have visible scars and people can tell that you need help fast.However with emotional abuse you cry yourself to sleep,wake up and smile like everything is ok.
So,I met this guy.From the word go our relationship was based on lies and manipulation.The next minute he is sweet and the next he is cold. Cancelling our meetings at last minute had become a norm till I decided I had enough but he apologised and promised that it would never happen again.
I tried breaking up with him a thousand times,One time we were both crying while he was singing “her heart won’t let me lose her”. But truth be told,everytime I took him back the behaviour improved.I once opened up my heart and told him that an old friend said I had gained weight and he said “Your friend is right,you get bigger everytime I see you”
I endured comments such as “Your idea is stupid” but he couldn’t tell me why. When I told him that someone asked for professional advice from me he said “That boy is stupid for wanting your help”
One day, actually more than once he snapped and raised his voice at me. He apologised and said he’ll go see a therapist.(He probably said that just to get me off his back)
Oh! Did I mention that I wasn’t the only girl in the picture? He was emotionally abusive to both of us .One day girl calls while he is with me ,I ask who he is talking to and he replied “my cousin”. Girl heard that and screamed her lungs out. He looked at me side eyeing him and hung up. Guess what he said? “My cousin is like my mom always turning tiny issues into big ones”
All I could was cry, he kissed my puffy face, I could taste his tears too. He told me he doesn’t want to lose me ,he knows he hasn’t been the best boyfriend and asked me to be patient with him.He called the other girl and sent a text to prove to me that they are no longer together (I think he called and texted wrong numbers)
So whenever girl called, He would say “I can’t talk now, I am at Alex” Girl knows I stay in Alex so I believed they were really over and the call was strictly work related. She once sent her regards and got upset when I returned the love.
He promised to change, and for a second things were going well, okay that’s what I thought till he stopped saying I love you back, we stopped seeing each other even though we are in the same city. When I confronted him he accused me of being selfish as he is going through a rough patch (I don’t know which part of the rough patch to believe)
One day he told me that girl beats him up,yup ! It was a lie obviously.I have never met the other girl but I doubt she beats him up. He once told me…
“You should have told your heart to behave, now look at the things you are tolerating. You love me and the is nothing you can do about it”
He wasn’t all bad and I am definitely not trying to paint him in a bad picture because I am sure he can also point out my flaws. In between the tears, lies and manipulation I remember how he would always try to cheer me up when I was down.
The jokes about snitches he would tell while taking a walk, he wanted to hear me laugh even though he was going through a family crisis.
He would cook for me when I got back from work too tired to even defrost the meat.(Thank you for teaching me how to cook chicken) and I appreciate the industry advice.
I remember how I once had a night mare ,he kissed me on the forehead, back hugged me and sang for me till I fell asleep.
Thank you for answering my call at 2 a.m. just because I had a tooth ache.
We both realised that some people are meant to be nothing more than friends and decided to end things.
Thank you for the memories
Gaydie and Ribi